Posters/Wednesday Link Dump

Wednesday Link Dump

Hello and welcome to the pandemic edition of Unknown Playwrights’ theatrical link dump. This is where we usually post all sorts of fascinating, interesting a titillating links related to theatre. But theatre is closed. Except it isn’t. It’s gone online and we will bring you those online links soon.

Usually this link dump is brought to you by theatrical posters, but this week (same as last) it’s brought to you by shows closed due to pandemic.

The best one was from a Korean theatre that linked directly to the government’s constantly-updated COVID-19 site. Way to go, responsible theatre (and government)!

Famous playwrights are not immune to pandemic.

A fun Canadian theatre is doing fun Canadian-y things online

Read an almost NSFW play about the last bottle of hand sanitizer on Earth.

A Quarantine Vogel-style bake-off LIVE!

Roberto Bolaño’s 2666 is available via free streaming from the Goodman Theatre.

Some crazy-ass German puppetry (is there really any other kind?)

American playwright/iconoclast David Hansen has been forcing asking actors to record his short plays whilst in quarantine. The results are hilariously compelling. Mister Hansen was also the subject of this week’s Monologue Monday.

Drunk MacBeth, drunk Pride & Prejudice, all based in Berlin.

Andrew Lloyd Webber and Lin-Manuel Miranda are having a cute playoff on Twitter. Here is Andrew’s version of a Hamilton song.

La Boheme LIVE!

A fascinating group out of South Africa

Nightly opera streams from the Met

RSC’s Richard II is so hot right now. Browse around their site. They have plenty of other streaming options.

When 30 playwrights write monologues of the livestream audience’s choosing.

Caveat comedy group is livestreaming their shows.

The Globe Theatre is streaming Shakespeare plays (if you have the dough). Arseholes.

Supermegafamous playwright Young Jean Lee gave a free online storytelling class. I didn’t want to download the platform, so you can figure out how to watch it.

LaMaMa is streaming some stuff.

Is Tiny Theatre2020’s version of the Little Theatre Movement?

Theatre without theatre (but with Instagram)

Here’s a link with even more links/overview of online theatre resources

Tony and Helen Hayes-winning actress Alice Ripley has been livestreaming

This claims to be a livestreaming thing from Hungary, but I have no idea where said stream is. #theatrepeople

Livestream a bunch of Broadway shows for free, including shows with Orlando Bloom, Lee J. Cobb and Hugh Jackman

All the Web’s a Stage will happen April 23.

Something for the kiddos.

Learn storytelling live at Theatre Lab.

This list is shorter than most lists , for obvious reasons. If you have any other online theatre stuff, feel free to message me with the link and I’ll add it.

In the meantime, here is a short play about a suicidal candy bar. Because of course it is!

Monologue Monday

Monologue Monday: Cactus and Karma by David Hansen

Hello everyone and welcome to a very special pandemic edition of Monologue Monday! Today we bring you two pieces of Quarantine Theatre.

These are monologues written by playwright David Hansen and performed by actors under quarantine. How claustrophobic is that?

Playwright Hansen and his gang of thespians have created something called The Short Play Project where they perform Hansen’s plays from the comfort of their very own quarantine.

CACTUS

The first play we’re profiling is about cactus sex. Kinda.

stock-photo-nature-garden-plant-cactus-lifestyle-design-succulent-give-flower-blooming-a1906ea3-ef74-441b-b328-5bc277077a7e
OH YEAH!!!!

It’s actually about vulnerability and is more of a metaphor. I know, I was kinda crushed, too.

This monologue can be used by any gender.

ONE

The guys, at work. They call me the cactus. Not “Cactus,” that would feel like a

nickname. “What’s up, Cactus?” That would be cute. No, that’s what they say behind

my back. [concerned, under the breath] “Don’t fuck up today, the Cactus is out for

blood.”[normal voice] Which is fine. I’m not there to have fun or be liked. I have work to

do and so do they, I don’t care if they are afraid to deal with me, they have to and that’s

it.

I do hate when I am referred to as prickly. That bothers me. But tough? Okay. Yes. Call

me tough. Is it because I am aggressive? No, it’s not. A cactus isn’t aggressive. A cactus

doesn’t leap out at you from a dark alley and murder you. That would be funny right.

[hard stare] No, you have to mess with it. Then you get hurt. That was a warning. To

you. I guess.

6128175758_2b4302d95a_o
Look, but don’t touch.

I am a seed that fell in a stony place, with no roots and little hope for survival. But when

the sun rose up I was not scorched, I said, “up yours, sun,” and grew anyway. That was

a biblical reference.

My toughness is my defense. My thorns are a defense. My just coming out and telling

you these things. That doesn’t mean I’m “letting you in.” I am stating the obvious so you

can’t tell me later that you didn’t know.

But I’d like to have sex with you, which means one of two things are going to happen.

You get close and I hurt you, or I let you cut me open to experience all the sweetness I

have hidden inside of me and then I die. I am no longer a cactus.

So ask yourself. Which outcome is more likely to happen?

“The guys at work” always seemed to be assholes, so I wouldn’t put much stock in what they say.

However, this is an interesting play about perception, vulnerability and human nature.

To download the monologue, just click here.

KARMA

The second play is about that age old concept of karma. The play is about a millipede.

millipede-phil-nosler
I like to pretend it’s this millipede.

We’re not really told why/how this millipede ended up at its karmic destination, but we don’t really need to be, either.

ONE

I live. I live. I eat. I live. I hunt. I eat. Eat what is in front of me. Navigate the surface. Always moving forward. Across the surface. Surface down. Surface across. Surface up. This is up, I am up, I live, I move, move unencumbered up. Vast plane of nothing, no food, no dark, but safe. Safe, I am, from beings, impossibly large beings, gigantic meatsticks, the great dangers. Also giant, but less so, the beasts who torture, crush, consume. Up surface they cannot go. But no food, I live. I eat, must eat. So, to the surface, with obstacles, surfaces smooth, surfaces nubbly, moving to catch, consume, sate, moving on. I was. I was. I recall. A meatstick once, once giant, a giant meatstick, with, I had, my, the way the world was, to me, mine, I understood. Understood. Understood me. A youth, young for meatstick, very old for me, turns of dark, numbering in the hundreds. A child? A child, curious, thoughts, ideas, catching, hunting, pinching, one like me, separating me, part by part, separated, causing chaos, call it pain. Ending life. I was. I was not. No longer child, now me. To learn. To truly understand.

That’s it. I’ve known several meatsticks in my life and many of them would be better off as millipedes.

You can download the play here.

To see all the plays of Hansen’s noble experiment, please check out the YouTube playlist.

Also, please check out Mr. Hensen’s website where he maintains a blog and other goodies. If you have access to the New Play Exchange, dude is on there, too.

This concludes our very special pandemic Monologue Monday. Everyone be safe. See you soon!