I couldn’t really find out much about this monologue except you can download it here.
Don’t worry, I’ve copied the text below. The monologue is good at pointing out how social media has modified or co-opted the concept of friend.
I could not even find out who the writer was for this one. If you know, please contact me so I can credit them.
INT: AN OFFICE
Greta has been cornered by a coworker who is angry about being removed from Greta’s social media profile.
Look, I’m sorry, Louisa, it wasn’t personal or anything. I’ve just started unfriending people who aren’t strictly relevant to my social life. Yikes, that sounded wrong and I can see the angry Tweet forming in your brain, but come on, hear me out.
You and I are friends…in a professional context. I like chatting with you here at the water cooler or at potlucks. I mean, I like being on your team when we do company bowling, because you’re an awesome bowler.
(Louisa does not look appeased.)
Okay, I can see I’m doing a bad job at this. It’s just…you don’t really want to see my Facebook updates about going to nightclubs in the city and I’m tired of reading about marriage and pregnancies and nightly family Boggle sessions and life-changing trips to Europe.
Ugh, not, not like your trip to Europe. Barcelona looked absolutely magical. I meant it general. It’s like…
Do you ever feel like everyone’s living a better life than you? Or at least acting like it? From what I can tell, two-thirds of my friends have the most adventurous, fulfilling careers that anyone could ever have. And the rest of them have perfect children and ideal spouses. There’s some overlap in there too, which is really unbearable. Or, I don’t know, maybe they’re all faking it. I guess I am too. I’m not posting about sitting under these fluorescent lights fifty hours a week. Or going home to a cat now that James left for good. Or dressing a body pillow in his old clothes and sleeping with it.
(Stares at the ground, Louisa completely forgotten.)
So anyway, that’s why I unfriended you. I just didn’t want to get too personal with my coworkers.